


Is There Somewhere

by bazerella



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, Secret Relationship, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 07:44:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19865989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazerella/pseuds/bazerella
Summary: Based on the song Is There Somewhere by HalseyThe hotel room lighting was dim. Everything was slightly faded, not completely gray but not nearly as vibrant is it should be. Everything except for one thing. Simon Snow’s eyes. They were the most electric shade of blue. Against the shadows of the lamp, the old television, and the white sheets, they were the brightest. They were the brightest goddamn thing in this room and they made Baz melt.





	Is There Somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> basically broke my own heart writing this but its fine everything is FINE

The hotel room lighting was dim. Everything was slightly faded, not completely gray but not nearly as vibrant is it should be. Everything except for one thing. Simon Snow’s eyes. They were the most electric shade of blue. Against the shadows of the lamp, the old television, and the white sheets, they were the brightest. They were the brightest goddamn thing in this room and they made Baz melt. 

It was a frequent occurrence for Simon and Baz to meet at this particular hotel room. They couldn’t meet in public...they couldn’t do a lot in public. Baz had the money to spare. Those who looked at his credit card bill would most definitely be concerned at how often he was being charged for room service and the room itself. Baz couldn’t help it. He needed Simon like he needed air. He knew it was wrong, but he didn’t particularly care. 

Simon was standing up on the bed, in nothing but his briefs and socks, dancing to the song they had on. Baz was sat leaning against the headboard, getting bounced with every hop and leap Simon took. Baz was mesmerized. He couldn’t take his eyes off Simon. It was unfair how someone so full of life was so out of reach. The sneaking around to meet up, the desperate attempts to hold on to each other, sometimes it felt like it wasn’t enough. Baz had to be careful. If he got too wrapped up into Simon, he could start to catch feelings, and then what they were doing would be more than just wrong. It would be more than just slight guilt. It would be nothing but heartbreak. Baz had to be careful...but at times like this, he couldn’t quite remember why. 

Simon plops down onto the bed. He leans over to the bedside table and grabs a cigarette out of the pack that was thrown down earlier. He lights it up and hands it over to Baz. Simon doesn’t smoke, but Baz does. He isn’t exactly thrilled with the habit his lover has, but it isn’t his place to say so. Just like it isn’t his place to call Baz his lover. 

Simon repositions himself next to Baz and rests his head on his shoulder and Baz inhales and exhales the toxic smoke. He picks at the threads in the white sheets beneath them. They lay on top of the sheets, because going within the sheets could be too intimate. Simon had a girl back home. Hence the secrecy. When Simon is with Baz it’s hard to think about his other life. His public life. Not hard to think about in the sense that it brings him pain, but in the sense that he’s all too consumed with Baz. Baz fills his every thoughts even when they’re not together. He can’t say the same for Agatha. She doesn’t fill his heart like Baz does. 

Baz and Simon met through Agatha which is the most ironic part. Simon often wonders if Agatha had known Simon was going to fall completely for her old neighborhood friend, if she would have ever introduced the two. Baz has a lot of connections, knows a lot of people, and Simon needed help. He was fresh out of university and he hadn’t a clue about what to do. He needed something more than a few shifts at a local bakery. Agatha had suggested he meet with her friend, Baz. Baz’ family was a dynasty within the community. Their name, or some form of their name, could be seen on almost anything. Hospital wings, street signs, you name it. Baz had met Simon at his place of work. They shared a scone and coffee, and Simon was delighted at how different Baz was from what he had imagined. 

Baz was snarky, sometimes mean, and could ruin your whole day with the lowest blow possible. But he was also passionate, and invested, and he wanted to help Simon. Baz didn’t plan on just giving Simon a job somewhere and then disappearing. He talked to Simon, he listened to Simon. He picked apart his interests and really tried to give him something that would be meaningful. 

The two began meeting regularly to discuss Simons future. Simon had hoped that Baz would be part of it. Baz hoped that too. 

One thing led to another, and soon they were meeting in hotel rooms instead of bakeries. 

Simon had gotten a text message from Baz one day that simply said, ‘Is there somewhere you can meet me?’ 

Simon thought Baz was sick of the bakery and wanted to get food somewhere else, but Baz gave him the address of this hotel and room number. Simon knew what it would mean if he went and met Baz. He didn’t deny his feelings, but they became more real the closer he got to the room. When he knocked on the door and Baz opened it with nothing except a towel around his waist, he knew he was done. He knew he was about to embark on something that would kill Agatha if she ever found out. But Baz made Simon feel something Agatha had never made him feel. He wanted to explore it. Before they slept together for the first time, Simon had looked up at Baz and whispered “This is right where it begins,”. 

Baz didn’t know what Simon meant until he left. Baz realized that this couldn’t be a one time thing. Baz was going to continually ask Simon if they could meet. He was going to keep kissing him, and keep making him come undone beneath him. Baz wasn’t going to let go of Simon. This first meeting had been the beginning of toxic cycle that neither wanted to get out of. 

Baz drops his freshly finished cigarette in the ashtray. Simon’s head comes up from his shoulder. The two look at each other briefly, before embracing one another in hard kisses and touches they’ll try to recreate when they’re by themselves. 

Simon is underneath Baz, and Baz is pulling Simons bottom lip, making it feel heavy when it is released. Baz’ hands explore Simons chest and travel until they reach his waistband. 

Baz makes a decision. He knows the implication of being intimate within the sheets. He had promised himself that he would not let Simon Snow complete him. But he’s only fooling himself. Simon Snow has completed him since the first time they got together. 

“Let’s go under the covers,” Baz whispers 

Simon nods and pulls the sheets, wrapping himself, with Baz on top of him. The sheets now acting as a shield from the outside world, it’s almost as if they could do what they could not before. They could acknowledge the connection. 

They didn’t have to keep their moans or pleads to themselves, because the sheet was protecting them from the world where they could not be together. 

Baz clutched Simon’s arms as he slid inside the golden boy. He felt his muscles tense with every movement he made. Seeing Simon react like this did something to him. It made his heart pulse quicker than normal, knowing that the sounds coming out of Simon’s mouth was his doing. 

Baz sometimes felt like the reason Simon couldn’t break up with Agatha was because he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t worth losing a real relationship over. 

But as Baz would clutch Simons arms, Simon would clutch Baz’ brain and ease those thoughts. He would give him multiple reasons to believe that he wanted this just as much as Baz did. 

Baz wants Simon, there’s no question. Simon wants Baz too...but there’s Agatha. Agtha would never understand the connection Baz and Simon have. It’s really not just sex. Simon craves Baz when he’s with Agatha. When he’s at the grocery store with Agatha, he wonders how different this experience would be if he were with Baz instead. Basically anything he does with Agatha, he thinks about doing it with Baz. He usually finds he prefers the imaginary version with Baz in his head better. Simon often imagines how red in the cheeks Agatha would be if she ever found out. 

Baz used to try and hide how smitten he was with Simon. He would simply send him a text message asking him to meet, do the deed and then that would be it. But one night, Simon didn’t want to leave. It had been really late and they had decided, they already have the hotel, might as well spend the night. It was then after, Baz wasn’t as secretive to Simon about his wants. Simon was completely stuck in Baz’ brain. 

After Simon would leave in the morning, Baz sometimes sat in the room and cried, thinking about all he wants and all he will never have. He would invite his best friend Penelope over to the hotel room and sit with her on the bed, crying and complaining about all things Simon Snow. 

Baz imagined that’s how tomorrow morning will go. He could already tell that being underneath the white sheets is changing something between them. Or changing something in him, at least. He felt himself at the brink of love, and he knew Simond didn’t feel the same way. Because if Simon was in love with Baz, how could he still be with Agatha? 

“Simon,” Baz whispers. Simon looks up at the pale skinned boy with eyes full of wonder. 

Baz continues, “Could we pretend that we’re in love tonight?” 

Simon looked at Baz like he was the world. If Baz didn’t know any better, he’d say Simon might actually look like he’s in love. Baz wasn’t stupid though, he knew that could never be true. Baz apologies in his head for falling in love tonight. It wasn’t supposed to happen. He didn’t mean to fall in love. 

Simon speaks finally, “Let’s pretend that we’re in love tonight,” 

One day Simon and Baz won’t have to hide behind the falsehood of pretending. But for now, each would find euphoria in getting to express their love for one another, even if they think the other is just pretending. Baz will send another text next weekend, ‘Is there somewhere you can meet me?” 


End file.
